Oh well.
Once again, I cant do what I want because of her.
I really wanted to meet up with them but now, I cant.
I mean, she went out with her friends rightttt?
So?
Why cant I?

Isnt it funny how we live in the same world?
And the joke of the millenium is that you've known me all my life and yet, you can be like this.

Hinduism is an exciting thing. But using that to lead your life is not as interesting.
It’s more like superstition gone wrong.
Really wrong.
I mean, I had a dream about my dad.
So what?
Maybe he is trying to tell us something.
But maybe it’s just what I think of sub consciously.
Isn’t that the definition of dreams?
I’m so sick and tired of all this, seriously.
He is dead.
Period.

Sometimes I think she thinks I’m stupid.
And it’s irritating. Very, very irritating.
I’m sure she doesn’t mean it.
But still.
That’s not an excuse, is it?
I don’t do that.
It’s so freaking annoying, okay?
Like I’m some sort of psychotic child who needs constant reprimanding and reminders.
And it’s especially in front of people.
I know I’m your baby sister but that does not mean I will be a baby for the rest of my life okay?
Okay, I sound so mean and all but I can’t help it. I just can’t help it and it’s not fair. Not fair at all.

Hate.

I hate it, I just hate it when they blame my Dad for some things, fucking retarded things that happened after he left. And the reason he is blamed is because he is dead and can cause everything, both logical and supernatural. Isnt it fucking stupid? Yeah it is. And I just hate it. I hate this feeling. This feeling of loss. This feeling of helplessness. The feeling that makes you wanna scream your heart out and also curl into a ball and bury yourself away from the world, all at the same time.

I hate it that I miss so many of my friends and I need to talk to them but they arent here for me. It could be that I'm being silly but I do feel a tiny winy bit neglected. And I hate it. I dont wanna feel that way. I wanna be happy.

Which brings me to the next complaint.
I hate being not happy. I feel so unhappy nowadays and it's tearing me up. No matter how much I want this unhappiness and gloominess to go away, it still lingers around and I abso-fucking-lutely hate it.

I hate the fact that my dad is dead and people look at us differently. I still cry but I'm not sure why anymore. Is it because I miss my dad too much? Is it because I dont like this change? Is it because I'm afraid to move on? I hate this state of confusion. I've never been like this, with so much of things going on, big, important things. It's so hazy and cloudy.

I think I need help.

It's like I'm in a dream I'll never wake up from.

I was scrolling down my blog when all of a sudden, I saw Adli and hot.
Which reminds me, ADLI IS HOTTT AND HE WAS AWESOME DURING CASS IDOL!
I love you, Adli. ♥

No, seriously, what makes you think that something like that could happen to you.

Oh yeah, I'm so proud to be a Singaporean.
But I'll take after my Dad, I'll vote for SDP when I turn 21.

If Appa were here, my Mom would have called him to get passengers from the Padang.

By this time last month, he was dead.

Your msn status made me puke because I know you're making use of him.
I've lost alot of things including him.
But what bothers me is that I lost him to you.
I lost a crush. I lost a classmate. Most important of all, I lost a friend.

Happy Happy Birthday Appa.
I still cant beleive you're dead.

I left home with a really heavy heart today.
Today is his 53rd birthday.
We were supposed to get him a phone.
We were supposed to go some place fancy as finally, he was treating us right.
I really need to cry but what's the point?
How is it going to help?

It’s funny how things go about.
My sister’s primary school teacher just visited us.
And I kept on thinking to myself, why such a sudden visit? Why is today so special?
So I was in my room rushing ONOW Reflections and I finally went out when they were leaving and the uncle turned to me and said you know, your dad and I used to work together, fifteen years ago?
And I looked at him and thought to myself, why is he telling this to me?
And it dawned on me that they came to console us and he told me that because he was recalling memories of a dead person and it struck me then and it struck me hard, my dad is dead.
And I cried.

You know all these days, I've been thinking only about myself, I have failed to think about the rest of my family. What Amma must have been going through to call Appa's number everyday. What must Akka feel to have such a huge responsibilty at this age? What must Bala have felt when I caught him staring at his death certificate today? What must Appa feel? To be away from us, be so near us yet so far away. What must I feel? To be fatherless right now?

I miss alot of people.

Gemini Strength Keywords:
- Energetic
- Clever
- Imaginative
- Witty
- Adaptable

Gemini Weakness Keywords:
- Superficial
- Impulsive
- Restless
- Devious
- Indecisive

Gemini and Independence:
Gemini are extremely independent. They will not be pinned down by anyone or any rules. They need to experience the world on their own. Change and freedom are extremely important to Gemini, they will never let anyone dictate them, they are extremely independent and freedom is essential to their mental well being.

Gemini and Friendship:
Gemini make very interesting and exciting friends. They like to leave their mark on everyone they meet. They are very flighty and will disappear for a long time as they meet new friends and explore new places. But when they come back, they will have new thoughts, opinions and interesting things to share and ideas to teach. Life is very interesting and fun with a Gemini friend. If you need any advice, Gemini is the one to ask. They are masters of communication and they can help you get what you need by helping you with persuasion and enthusiasm, and they give good advice too. Do not however, bog a Gemini down with all of your emotional problems, they are not want to deal with it because it depresses them and steps on their freedom if you need too much long term help, support and follow up. A Gemini friend can fill you in with the latest gossip and if you love conversation, the Gemini delivers! They are very generous with their friends, they will spend lots of time with you and share everything with you. Even though Gemini is a social butterfly, they always need time for themselves and that should be respected.

Gemini and Business:
Gemini tends to disperse their energy on different tasks and not just focus on one thing thus leaving a trail of unfinished projects in their wake. If they were to focus their energy in one place, their cleverness and intelligence would allow them to complete their project with success and creativity. Gemini makes an excellent manager, they can motivate a team with their enthusiasm and vitality. They also make excellent salespeople because their ease of communication allows them to be clever and make a comeback to anything a person says. They can persuade and manipulate very well. They can easily justify any move they make and explain any action.

Gemini Temperament:
Gemini have the ability to react instantly to situations, and as a result, they have a very nervous temperament. They can be compared to a wound up spring as they attempt to absorb everything they can about their surroundings at once. The fact that they enjoy various situations and people add to their nervousness and that means they are almost constantly wound up. However, if they experience boredom and have nothing to survey, they get the same emotions, the need for excitement and variety. This is the Gemini duality, constantly conflicting emotions in one spontaneous, excitable package.

Gemini Deep Inside:
One downfall of Gemini is their superficiality. Instead of looking deep into a person's real qualities, Gemini will judge a person by the way they treat them. This can lead Gemini to have wrong impressions of people and can cause problems ion relationships. Gemini's can have feeling of discouragement and moodiness although they never allow this to be seen by anyone but heir closest friends or family. Gemini usually want everyone to think that they are always happy and doing wonderfully and stress never affects them.

Gemini in a Nutshell:
Gemini people are many sided, quick both in the mind and physically. They are brimming with energy and vitality, they are clever with words. They are intelligent and very adaptable to every situation and every person. Gemini are curious and always want to know what's going on in the world around them. They are not one to sit back and watch the world go by, they want to be involved. This can sometimes make Gemini nosy, they do not mind their own business! This is because they really enjoy communicating, more so then most other astrology signs, they are the ultimate social butterfly. Gemini can talk and talk, but they have interesting things to say, their talk is not mindless babble. They have interesting opinions and thoughts on things and are not afraid to speak their mind. They are always in the know and are the one to see for the latest juicy gossip. Lacking perseverance, Gemini easily goes off topic to explore another thought or idea. Gemini are superficial, they will form opinions on matter without diving into them and exploring them fully. This can lead them into thinking they know everything, which they usually do but their mind is too busy to be concerned with fine details. Routine and boredom are Gemini's biggest fears. Gemini would rather be naive then know the depressing truth, they do not want anything putting a damper on their freedom or positive energy.

Gemini Love, Sex and Relationships
What it's like to date a Gemini Woman:
The Gemini woman is truly enchanting. However, dating her might feel more like a friendship then a real relationship due to her casual nature. This is not necessarily a disadvantage, for the casual man who shy's away from overly romantic emotions, she is the perfect woman. Since she is the astrology sign of the duality, she offers quite the challenge. One one hand, she needs to be nurtured, loved and catered to and on the other hand, she needs stimulation and novelty. She is very demanding and if you do not provide what she wants, she will be off onto the next adventure pretty quickly. To keep her interested is a challenge, not completely impossible so she is the perfect woman for the man who likes stimulation and a challenge. She needs a partner with a quick mind, she tends to poke and prod at the emotions and the minds of those who are mentally slower then her, make sure you can keep up to her wit or you will briskly be left behind. She is prone to keeping men on a string, not completely heartlessly, she is evaluating if the man is worth her attention and her time she has no time to waste with a dull man. Once you have her approval, she can easily become jealous. The reason for her is jealousy is that if she is going to open up to a man, when she rarely completely opens up to anyone, she does not want to risk her being deceived or hurt. If you are with a Gemini woman and she becomes jealous, you are on the right track to true love! Gemini women are so exciting that they are worth the effort, you will remember her forever!

How To Attract Gemini:
Love to talk, that is the first rule about impressing a Gemini. Be knowledgeable about that you talk about too because Gemini are intelligent and have lots of knowledge about many things. If you are an expert on a certain topic, teach them about it, you will impress them because this know-it-all sign is does not usually know fine details about a lot of things, they are too busy to bother to learn. Speak your mind, engage them in a friendly debate but never be too conservative, they find this dull. Be honest and loyal to a Gemini, once they have had their trust broken they usually will never get it back again. Gemini are easy to date, they will do any activity anywhere. Just have fun, like you would with a friends because that's what Gemini are, a great friend.
Gemini Erogenous Zone:
Gemini's hot spots are the hands and arms. These are very sensitive regions and are very receptive a massage and a gentle touch or stroke. This also calms the high-strung Gemini and relaxes them, setting the mood for passion. Gemini's usually love their finger being sucked or nibbled, a great integration into foreplay that will heighten the mood. Gemini women love it when a man grabs their hand and kisses it, like a princess.
Sex With Gemini:
Gemini loves to experiment and sex with a Gemini is full of novelty and excitement, trying anything and everything nearly anywhere. Gemini is not for the faint of heart or the shy and secretive lovers!

How To Attract Gemini:
Love to talk, that is the first rule about impressing a Gemini. Be knowledgeable about that you talk about too because Gemini are intelligent and have lots of knowledge about many things. If you are an expert on a certain topic, teach them about it, you will impress them because this know-it-all sign is does not usually know fine details about a lot of things, they are too busy to bother to learn. Speak your mind, engage them in a friendly debate but never be too conservative, they find this dull. Be honest and loyal to a Gemini, once they have had their trust broken they usually will never get it back again. Gemini are easy to date, they will do any activity anywhere. Just have fun, like you would with a friends because that's what Gemini are, a great friend.

Gemini Erogenous Zone:
Gemini's hot spots are the hands and arms. These are very sensitive regions and are very receptive a massage and a gentle touch or stroke. This also calms the high-strung Gemini and relaxes them, setting the mood for passion. Gemini's usually love their finger being sucked or nibbled, a great integration into foreplay that will heighten the mood. Gemini women love it when a man grabs their hand and kisses it, like a princess.

Sex With Gemini:
Gemini loves to experiment and sex with a Gemini is full of novelty and excitement, trying anything and everything nearly anywhere. Gemini is not for the faint of heart or the shy and secretive lovers!