Beautiful Lies.

Monday, November 29, 2010

What kind of guy will fall for you??
Kanageswari got The Thoughtfully Cute guy.
The guy that when you get home from work will have made dinner because you had to work today, or brings you flowers on wednesday just because he wanted to make the rest of the week better. He's the guy who when you wake up will be watching you sleep because you were just too beautiful to wake. This guy is a keeper keep him close and never let him go, you will be glad for him when your in labor and he looks at you all sweaty, makeup running while your cursing him and says look at her she so beautiful.

I want I want I want! ♥

4:46 PM

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Enchanted

By: Taylor Swift

Here I was again tonight forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place
Walls of insincerity
Shifiting eyes and vancancy vanished when I saw your face
All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered "have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette starts to make it's way to me
The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy
And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up
2am, who do you love?
I wonder till I'm wide awake
Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say,
It was enchanted to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

11:13 PM

Friday, November 26, 2010

Out of all the faults in the world, you have to find fault in that? In something I wouldn’t do? I said I was sorry and is it my fault that you take everything so seriously? You have changed a lot and I miss you though I see you every single day. Maybe I'm the one at fault but still. Why must it always be you or him? Why can’t it be me for once?
You know, I could be out with my friends, spending money and all. Or go clubbing secretly. Get a boy friend, get pregnant. Sniff glue, do drugs. I could all of that but I don’t because I don’t want to fucking disappoint you. To think I actually pleaded with them to understand you better. But no, I’m the bad guy here. You’re the one who is the victim, whom everyone pities. Same goes for him. And me? I am just the one who has to go to school, come back home, go for tuition, do fucking housework. No one fucking cares about me. I feel like I’m adopted or something.
I’m just so sick and tired of all this crap. I never get respected at all. It’s like I have no feeling, like I’m a robot. It is fucking irritating. I just want to run away. You never think about all the time I had cried for you. No, you just take into offence what I said. Which I didn’t even mean. It was supposed to be a joke damn it. If it’s so fucking difficult, then I’ll just keep my mouth shut for good. I just don’t fucking understand. Don’t I look like I have feelings? Like I feel anger too? No, you see it as arguing. And you keep saying you’re older. So? What significance does it hold? You know I love you and I do respect you so what’s the fucking problem.
You know I wouldn’t ne this pissed if it was even her. Because you’re closer. So how can you get offended like that? You know I didn’t mean it. Seriously, I just feel like fucking dying. You all will be better off without me.

1:23 AM

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

When you're gone.
By: Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone
All the words I need to hear will always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

Listening to this song made me realise what my mother feels.

6:15 AM

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I saw Joanne blogging and now I’m tempted to blog as well.
I want to talk Miss Trudy. She is so absolutely sweet.
I think she has become closer to us and only because she has done her homework.
I mean I’m sure it was hard for her to get along with us at first but she tried.
Instead of complaining like some people.
I ♥ MISS TRUDY.

10:10 PM

Thursday, November 4, 2010

This is depressing.
This is going to be the first Deepavali without my dad.
I still cannot believe he is gone.
I know everyone is talking about moving on but seriously, you have no idea how difficult it is.
I have come to the point where I cant even cry anymore because the pain is too much, I feel numb.
I feel this silly, sick sensation in the pit of my stomach and it slowly and painfully moves up to my heart and then my throat and it chokes me and paralyses me until I feel like screaming. It shakes me so much that I just feel like collapsing.
I miss my dad.
Why, seriously,why?
Why did he have to go?
Why did he have to go now?

6:16 AM

You know there’s something wrong with you when:

1. You cry because you are down with flu.
2. You like a Facebook status because he liked it too.
3. You feel like shouting ‘shut the fuck up’ to almost every living person in the world.
4. You keep rolling your eyes.
5. You want to eat like a pig and yet, you feel like puking your guts out at the sight of food.
6. You forget that your father is dead.
7. You sleep like a log for hours but still feel so stiff and tired.
8. You find Criminal Minds boring.
9. You refuse to believe that you have loads of assignments and revision piling up.
10. You miss your best friends though you talked to both of them just two days ago.
11. You just want to dig a hole right where you’re standing and bury yourself for the rest of eternity.

In short, you just feel like crap.

5:31 AM

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Okay, I’m way over that ‘I-met-him-on-Saturday-and-cannot-forget-him’ phase.
I haven’t had any contact with him since Sunday and I am feeling fine.

Actually I do feel a little agitated and bitchy because I am not getting what I want, unlike some people who get everything they want.

But I have other things on my mind.
Other major things.

1. Like my dad.
I miss him, a lot. I was thinking about the time my sis called me at school to rush down to the hospital and I started crying so badly. Why did he have to die? It changes a lot of things. Big, big changes that choke till you cry for help. I don’t know how the others at home are coping but I’m coping fine, even though I get mini grief attacks that just collapses my world for a few hours before I get distracted with school and money matters. He is gone, forever, and I think this time I started filling up his empty spaces that are never going to have his presence. I don’t know how to start but I guess time will tell me.

2. And some selfish, self-centred, ‘I don’t care how you feel’ kind of people.
Seriously, such people are what I call family. Like in criminal minds, my mom, sister, brother and myself are the Vics (victims) and my other relatives are the unsubs. Victimology is that we are vulnerable, easy to control, say yes to everything kind of Vics. We just nod our heads and then complain and bitch about unsubs once they leave. Our unsubs, on the other hand, are mean, selfish who apparently love us but can still outcast us just because a loved one of ours died. Even though they define themselves as victims, and still claim that they are grieving over my dad’s death, they can have all the fun in the world but we, the Vics, must be confined to our house and schools just because they think we have to. Because apparently, my dad will feel sad if we are happy without him. He’ll be so affected that we shouldn’t even take an holiday. Seriously people, we cry almost every single day because we have lost the head of the family and all you can do is make up silly folk tales and ruin our days even more? You don’t have to share our misery. The least you could do is shut the fuck up.

3. And the fact that I’m losing interesting in school. I need to find motivation a soon as possible. I have a feeling this might be because of some really irritating tutors I have but I’m sure it’ll pass. I’m sure I’ll get used to them like I did to Mr Lee Tee Jong.

4. Firework
I seriously want to learn how to sing Katy Perry’s Firework. At least half of it. It is so sweet of her to come up with such a sweet song. It made me respect her as a singer and not only the one who tries to manipulate Elmo. And I want to sing it other people, in a way to reach out to them. Not everyone can be so thick skinned like me and I’m sure they need things like this to keep them going.

Yup, that’s about it but it is serious and major right?

You know, I just realised that some things in life, just cannot be expected. It is the specialty in it. It keeps you waiting and waiting and when it finally happens, you don’t even need it after all. Like my father’s death. It is funny that way. It is so unpredictable. And bitchy.

You're original, cannot be replaced.

5:59 AM