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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A Dads Poem.
Remembering those no longer with us.



Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another
deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.


"My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories.
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart
I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.
You see he was a policeman and died just this past year.
When airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear.


But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been
closed.
But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining
star.
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them,
a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

4:37 AM

Monday, March 21, 2011

That’s it. This is it. I am not going to let a crush take over my life.
I feel so miserable, like there is no purpose in life.



All I do is sit around, whining and complaining about why my life has to be so unfair.
And the only reason for this is him.



Because he doesn’t know.
He doesn’t know that I miss him so much.
He doesn’t know that I think of him every day.
He doesn’t know that I force myself not to text him all the time.
He doesn’t know that I really want to tell him how I feel towards him but hold back my words for fear of rejection.



He doesn’t know that I feel horrible and terrible because I know he doesn’t notice.
And the worst part is that he doesn’t know that he is making me fall for him deeper and deeper by his actions and words.



By the way he talks.
By the way he looks at me, maintains an eye connection before looking away.
And though he looks like a Somalia kid who has malnutrition and talks like as if he rules the world, I still do like him and I don’t have the slightest idea why.



And it is annoying and disgusting.
I feel so ashamed that I can’t even control a crush. A huge crush.
I feel so helpless.
I’m not stalking him or am obsessed over him but I just can’t help but grin when anyone mentions him.



Is it wrong?



Oh just shut up Kanages.



10:27 PM

Sunday, March 6, 2011

‎'When you lose someone you love, you gain an angel that you know.'
In less than three hours, it'd be 9 months since I last saw you or heard your voice. But your presence has always been here with me Appa, and though I'm so angry that you are not going to watch Bala and I on stage, I still love you and I miss you so much. So much, that sometimes, I just cant handle it.

5:24 AM


Well well well.

It has been too long. And way too many things have been happening in life.


First and foremost, I have been diagnosed with hypothyroidism.
Hypothyroidism is a condition in which the thyroid gland does not make enough thyroid hormone.The thyroid gland is located in the front of the neck just below the voice box (larynx). It releases hormones that control metabolism.

Early symptoms:
• Being more sensitive to cold
• Constipation
• Depression
• Fatigue or feeling slowed down
• Heavier menstrual periods
• Joint or muscle pain
• Paleness or dry skin
• Thin, brittle hair or fingernails
• Weakness
• Weight gain (unintentional)

The symptoms in bold are what I have been going through since the start of the year. I have to take medication and it is tiring, to keep up with everything. I’m not anywhere near the danger zone but I need to go for a blood test every three months. That is like 4 times a year, for as long as I live. It is so irritating because I never asked for it. And I don’t think I deserve it at all. I mean, all I want is for people to be happy and safe and God decides to make me fall sick? That’s sickening but I choose to think of it as a challenge. After all, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? I don’t care, seriously. As long as I don’t die before achieving all the things I want to do.


Secondly, Peterpan Revamped is this week! Woohooooo! I can’t wait for Thursday to arrive and rock the stage with awesome people. I’m going to miss them, really. And I’m so joining AFT. I’ve gone through too much of madness with them to stop and be sane for even a moment. I’m just so sad that Appa won’t be here to watch both me and Bala perform on one big stage. And I’m so proud of Bala. Though he can be such a pesky little brat most of the time, he has learnt to grow up. Atleast a little. Oh and isn’t awesome that both my best friends can’t make it? Oh well, I still love them.


Thirdly, this guy I had a tiny winy (Who am I kidding?) crush on, he is dating this girl who is very nice and sweet. As much as I wish I was her, I wish them luck. I’m not saying this because I want him to be happy, that would be so ridiculous. I’m saying this because it would have happened if it was meant to be. But no, it didn’t. So let’s just hope and pray that God has something better for me. So Dear God, you better have something good planned for me. If not…
Lastly, I miss Appa and I love my family a lot. So much that I would die for them. Serious.


There is nothing in life more painful than losing a loved one,
the love is there forever though,
we never really lose them only from the physical plane,
because where love exists there can be no loss.



♥Kanages




4:48 AM






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