Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Hate.I hate it, I just hate it when they blame my Dad for some things, fucking retarded things that happened after he left. And the reason he is blamed is because he is dead and can cause everything, both logical and supernatural. Isnt it fucking stupid? Yeah it is. And I just hate it. I hate this feeling. This feeling of loss. This feeling of helplessness. The feeling that makes you wanna scream your heart out and also curl into a ball and bury yourself away from the world, all at the same time. I hate it that I miss so many of my friends and I need to talk to them but they arent here for me. It could be that I'm being silly but I do feel a tiny winy bit neglected. And I hate it. I dont wanna feel that way. I wanna be happy.Which brings me to the next complaint.I hate being not happy. I feel so unhappy nowadays and it's tearing me up. No matter how much I want this unhappiness and gloominess to go away, it still lingers around and I abso-fucking-lutely hate it. I hate the fact that my dad is dead and people look at us differently. I still cry but I'm not sure why anymore. Is it because I miss my dad too much? Is it because I dont like this change? Is it because I'm afraid to move on? I hate this state of confusion. I've never been like this, with so much of things going on, big, important things. It's so hazy and cloudy.I think I need help.It's like I'm in a dream I'll never wake up from.
7:27 AM
